Maybe I should start by explaining that I am not a local or native or whatever-you-may-call-it Hamburg guy. I grew up around five hundred kilometers Southwest of here and my geographic knowledge still has – as the following story shows – certain flaws.

OK, at around lunchtime on a sunny Saturday in mid-April a friend of mine called and suggested to do a nice afternoon promenade along the Bank of the Elbe River near Hamburg. The quick round trip according to her would take around 45 minutes each leg and we could have an early dinner in between.

So, what more could you ask for, I thought and agreed.

Well, at the end of the day the presumed quick promenade (from Wedel, a suburb to Blankenese, a district in Western Hamburg) was in fact a 17 kilometers (10.5 miles) expedition. Including dinner break it took around 6 hours in total (including a substantial detour around a fucking old coal-burning power plant) – and my bloody feet were hurting as hell.

Everything else was perfect. The weather was right. The girl was right. The scenery along the Elbe Embankment was right. The food was right.

And I got a couple of lessons to learn (totally free of charge except, of course, for the hurting feet)

• If a lovely girl asks you to join her for a walk, next time pay more attention if she has told you here and there before that she has been doing marathons and is holding a belt (of a rather dark coulor) in kickboxing or martial arts.
• If you believe that you know the approximate distance from the daily 10 to 15 minutes train ride please be aware that a march by foot might take… ehm… slightly longer. In particular, when there are bloody power plants or other obstacles along the way.
• Seven-league boots are rather mandatory.
• If the girl – in realizing your struggles – gently is offering to skip the return leg for a bus ride: Please, don’t be stupid. You may not want to proof something to yourselve or the lady which in the end you will be struggeling to deliver without pain.
• And – last not least – some more body workout might help, indeed.

Conclusion

Next time when (and if) the lady is suggesting to do a nice promenade again I will be firmly responding … eh… „YES, would love to…“

Stupid. Isn’t it?

(Hamburg, May 2016)